These so called ”antique furniture” pieces wouldn’t even pass as Taiwanese bootleg copies made just a few months ago to a blind man and as I was testing the quality of your ”golden sinks” in the bathroom earlier with a real good quality kick, I found out to my dismay that all of them were made of porcelaine and the gold color was just paint!
From the decaying and withering corpses scattered around the bar I would deduct that whatever body-grease they might have possessed is presently burning in those abominations you dare call candles and let’s not forget the establishment’s highly regarded disco-ball. Seriously, even if the conditions here would be up to sub-par quality, we can safely assume that even a black hole would reflect light better than that thing!
– Who the hell are you!? – I’m from Quality Supervision. I just wanted to let you know that you’re doing a hell of a great job!